I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize