people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
