Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
