If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Say something about gay babies.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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