On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
