sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
