Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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