don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
