Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize