So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
