I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
