do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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