if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
