I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
