In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
