How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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