the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
