happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you never un-have a 4some
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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