Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
