he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
