I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Randomize
