Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Found the puke drawer
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
