Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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