Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
