So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
