i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize