dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
