I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
