can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Randomize
