he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize