Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
