I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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