Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
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