3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
