This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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