You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
