I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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