I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
