Its about making memories worth repressing
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
