Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
