Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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