I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
