My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
