It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
