Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
