yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
