Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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