I think scott just propositioned me for sex
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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