i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
