2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize