Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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