She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
