Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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