i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
