I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
