yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Please don't give away my fajitas
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize