Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I love having hate sex.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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