so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I will be naked everywhere
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
