Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
