if you like me you must not know who I am
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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