these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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